New Year Resolutions 2007

1) To finish my autobiography, “I Am The News”.

2) To lose the 3lbs I added over the Xmas holidays and get back to my normal weight.

3) To track down ex-Blue Peter hostess Lesley Judd and declare my undying love for her (unless she looks really old in which case I’ll ask if she has a grown-up daughter who possibly looks like her).

3a) To have a threeway with Rashida Jones (“The Office”) and Becky Newton (“Ugly Betty”).

4) To break up the relationship my co-anchor Kelly shares with our station manager Frank. No real reason. Just bored.

5) To give up smoking. Although, to be honest, I don’t smoke. This is just in here so I can at least accomplish one resolution.

6) To have the Pet Shop Boys reunite their original line-up (which included Laura Brannigan on drums, Gary Numan on bass and that one out of Jimmy The Hoover on pennywhistle).

7) To understand what goes wrong during the birth process that makes some people Christian Conservatives.